After many days of wandering on the beach . . . I honestly can no longer tell you whether we are talking about the "left" coast, "right" coast or "ambidextrous" coast . . . I found a mayonnaise jar. It was a big one, empty. I unscrewed the lid. Stink of decay. I did not let that put me off. I opened it up and screamed, and screamed and screamed, and screamed . . . Then I put the lid back on and threw it far out into the ocean . . .
So if you find this particular mayonnaise jar, rest assured, you know exactly what all the screaming is about. R.I.P., my beautiful children.