Saturday, April 23, 2011

Spring Brain Trouble

It was a fine spring morning when I went to see Doctor Benblossom about the headaches. The nurse weighed me and checked my blood pressure. Then she left me to wait in the examining room.

I looked out the narrow window and saw it was getting darker outside. There was a distant rumble of thunder. The doctor came in.

"Headaches, eh?" Doc Benblossom said after he examined my file. "Well, Let's have a listen to your thoughts."

He pressed his cold stethoscope to my forehead. I tried not to think of anything embarrassing, but the best I could do was imagining Scarlett Johansson giving me a lap dance. Outside lightning flashed and there was a sharp crack of thunder. Rain began hitting the window.

"Seems normal," the doctor murmured. "Let's have a look at your brain." The rain came down harder. Little pellets of hail bounced off the window.

The doctor took an otoscope and dug deep in my ear, easing past my eardrum and into my brain. I felt a little dizzy as he stirred things around in there. The wind rose to a roar. The tornado sirens began to wail like lost souls. When the doctor spoke, I had to ask him to repeat what he said.

"I said," he bellowed, "the problem appears to be a chip embedded in your frontal lobe. It is controlling the weather. It will have to come out."

He hurriedly opened a drawer and pulled out a power drill and a long set of forceps. But then there was a deafening roar, like a freight train cliche in the sky. All we could do was duck and cover.

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